Alibis

As a family counselor I meet a lot of families, and each family I meet has encountered some type of problem, some big, some small. Most families I meet are very amiable, talkative and well-meaning. Most are trying to hide something. On a rare occasion the family will come right out and tell you what’s going on – the cold, hard truth. It’s usually pretty shocking; especially when it’s something truly sad or tragic, sometimes it’s horrific, and sometimes it’s completely, jaw-dropping-bizarre.

It gets me thinking.

Lately I’ve been thinking about authenticity; how hard it is to be transparent… honest… real. The things people don’t want me to know – that’s usually what I need to know first. Often, the challenging part of my job is earning enough of people’s trust, so they’ll share with me what’s really going on.

In a way, if we’re honest, we’re all a little like that… we hide… we deceive.

I was reminded of my own tendency to hide, to hide from God, from myself, from others. I heard a song – and I won’t use this space to promote the artist, but it’s worth noting the album’s title - “Fix me”. We all need fixing, don’t we? Here’s a little piece of the song “Alibis”.

This is not the man I hoped to be
And I'm just trying to stop the bleeding
I don't know how to word it
I just started to deserve it
And all my, all my faces are alibis
And me, I'm half the man I wanted to be

Most times it all comes out wrong
I don't know the words but I'll hum along
There's nothing familiar here anymore…

So what am I? What am I? So What Am I?

And all my, all my faces are alibis
This is not the man I hoped to be
And I'm just trying to stop the bleeding
I don't know how the words go
I just started not to say no

And I feel so … worthless
Another day is gone and all my faces are alibis
all my faces are alibis…

and me, I'm half the man I wanted to be

These words resonate with me. I listen to the song, over and over, rolling it around my mind. Am I the man I want to be? More importantly, am I the man God wants me to be? What a humbling thought.

I don’t know the words, but I’ll hum along… Yeah, I’ve done that. You have too. Say the right thing. Wear the right clothes. Show up at the right meeting. Shake hands and smile… “Oh, I’m just fine thank you... how are you? Good? Oh, that’s nice to hear…” Talk the talk. Try to fit in. All of it … alibis… just a different face you put on. Happy. Competent. Popular. Intelligent. Christian? It’s time to take a good look in the mirror; time to rid ourselves of our excuses, our deceit, our alibis; time to be genuine.

I’m reminded of the Apostle Paul; I’ll quote from Romans 7:15, 24-25a.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God – through Jesus Christ our Lord!

We have a hard time being authentic don’t we. The song above echoes Paul’s thoughts… “What a wretched man I am!” (“And I feel so … worthless”). But unlike the song, Paul gives us hope – we can be rescued from our alibis – our sin! Jesus Christ sees through our defenses, through all of our faces, the façade - and will reconcile us to Him! If only we humble ourselves… if only we are willing to confess – to admit our guilt, to confess our alibis and accept His forgiveness.

As I search my own heart before God, and work towards an honest “face” – one without an alibi – not only to my family and friends, not only to myself, but to God… will you join me? Will you bow your head, bend your knee and confess to Jesus your alibis? God knew you before you were born (Ps. 139:13), He knows you now – Man looks at the outward appearance, He sees your heart (1 Sam. 16:7b), it’ll come as no surprise to Him.

Let’s learn to be authentic. Let’s learn together in community.